Cranky-berries

The computer crushed and after the data was finally partially recovered, I am compelled to go through some of my old files. It occurred to me that I hadn’t had any blog entries for months. I blame the weather: the barely para-summer ; the skipped Fall; over mild Winter and now the sudden cold, which made me believe that we got the Spring and Winter backwards this year.

It is scientifically proven that weather has various psychological effects on people: the absence of the Sun and the heat in a summer makes me lazy; the missing of a long period of fall-foliage makes me cranky (which results in the over growth of cranky-berries on my back. Speaking of which, a special Thanks to P, for picking these cranky-berries whenever needed); I tend to sleep (unreasonably) longer when it is cold outside; and the reserve of seasons just confuses me big time. On here is random something just popped into my mind: KRANKENHAUS ---> CRANKY HOUSE ---> Knatchi-Haus (a place where people get "ent-knatchiert"?) Love this language.

Right in the middle of my Thesis I booked a flight to Southern Asia for 2 weeks – probably the only place in the world where I could feel the sensation of being in a 30°C environment in October and all-you-can-eat seafood bar for 12 Euros. Great food comes with great responsibility: these fancy water-front restaurants are responsible to keep different kind of fish, shellfish, lobsters, clams, sea cucumbers, crabs, shrimps alive; when the guests decide on which fish or turtle, or any other animals in their aquarium to consume the next, the cooks are to take off a small part of the living animal (like half of an antenna from a lobster for example), put it on the table and when the dish is served, the cooks (or the waiters) return with a red lobster, whose left antenna is shorter, but matching the other half raw antenna – dear Guests, as you can see, we haven’t tried to con you by switch to another lobster. The responsibility of the waiter also includes chasing flies (“Oh boy, there is a fly in our privately booked room! WAITER!!!! I PAID FOR THIS! AND I PAID YOUR SALARIES!” one of the guests at our table freaked out when he failed to catch the fly with one hand – a battle between a fly and his ego: no one wins, the Waiter loses.) and wear presentable hairdo: it is in the company’s policy, on every “not good enough hairdo” caught means a 5% cut on the next salary. Seafood restaurants are the only ones at the water front, there are also ones who serve volatiles, rabbits or other small animals which you can easily keep 5 of them in a 30cm X 30cm X 40cm wire cage, with their beaks burned off. There was one shop who sold dogs, two black and white huskies with blue eyes in a cage which barely gave them place to inhale at the same time.

A friend of mine told me: “Oh, don’t read into it too much. It is just their culture. In the West we think that because we protect animals, give them rights, and try to kill them in a more humane way, we are thus better people. But really?” I asked myself that question again and again (especially because I am not from the “West”): well, for me, it sort of does. No doubt there is always violence in consuming food, even for a vegan. (PS: I am a meat eater.) Latest in your mouth, the moment molars work the food into swallowable little pieces: latest in your tummy, the gastric acid and the intestine decide that your body will take what it needs and get rid of the rest. I never fantasized the total absence of violence in eating. Yet, I am convinced that the shop owner could have at least bought a second cage for the second husky; and maybe try not to amputate the livestock. I believe practicing a more humane way to treat animals does make someone a better person. If we had lost faith in improvement and education, there would be no point in doing … whatever we are doing.

Life after Thesis (I thought I wouldn’t make it on time) is full time slacking. I am sort of kind of standing between vanilla and chocolate – and I want them both. It is so tempting to start something completely different, while continue the studies I’ve been doing for the past decade. My advisors said NO, people at the Prüfungsbüro and the student consulting center said NO. Most of them looked at me and had “WTF?!” on their face. Yeah, I know, it doesn’t sound very rational – but seriously people, what’s the worst can happen? That I would need more time than other students to complete a course? Maybe I would be screaming and kicking – lying on my back-full of cranky-berries if I failed some exams? How would that be different if I were to get a job while studying? (Besides I wouldn’t be making a dime.) There are loads of people double major their studies, and for a very short period of time, I was one of them.

Mom said that Grandma had weaved two identical red scarves for both of us: “And by the way, don’t be disappointed if your Grandma isn’t going to visit you this year.”

“How do I get not-disappointed?”

“I don’t know. Just don’t get your hopes up.”

“Nah. I think I’d rather keep my hope, even if that means what you said at the end might turn out to be true.”

“I am telling you, Grandma isn’t going to visit you. She said ‘maybe’ only because she was afraid that she may hurt your feelings. She was lying to you.”

“And YOU have a great history of telling me the truth.”

“You were a kid. There was no reason for you to be fumbling about in the adults’ world.”

“But I have grown up. And I suggest you to do the same.”

Shadow Cutter

In the park next to the lake there is a Shadow Cutter. When you face the artist in a 90-degree angle, he would cut out the shape of your profile on a piece of white paper. With one small pair of silver scissor the Shadow Cutter pokes a hole in the middle of the white sheet and from there, the magic reveals itself, your profile gradually appears along the sharpe edge of the scissor, and when is done, he throws away the center piece, for the real product is the contour of your profile, which he pastes on a piece of black paper. So there you have it: the contour of yourself with black background, this is your shadow.

In the first few weeks the Shadow Cutter's stand is constantly full. There are portrait painters next to him, who secretly envy his success: after all, he is new here, what makes him think that he could pull all their potential clients away. The portrait painters try to win back the clients by adding glitterings, more vivid colors, discounts, free coffee ... but nothing helps. The world of black and white seem to have become public's new favorite and the latest tourist attraction. Soon people have their shadows on the walls in their homes, framed and displayed on their nightstands, carefully stored in their wallets, or saved as the background picture on their iPhones. Shadows are everywhere, people are obsessed with them, maybe driven by the sensation of holding own their dark-side in hand:"Finally, I have it tangible and constated; trapped behind glass."

With the increasing shadow-demand, the hungry painters decide to ask politely the Shadow Cutter to teach them how to capture a profile with silver lining; which he gladly accepts -- there is no reason not to, this is great that more and more people, even the "colleges" start to like my art!

Few months later, once the painters manage to shape the contour, they put the Shadow Cutting in the foreground and whoever comes and buys a shadow, gets a small portrait as present. If you look closely, the subtle difference of the Master and the crush-course-students is to see, but who has to look so closely? It is a piece of white paper on the black background after all! More than gradually the original Shadow Cutter loses the public's attention, but he doesn't want to do anything else for the art of contouring a shadow is ferventness, every millimeter of the cut-out profile is love, he is too old to learn anything else he could devote his heart to, it doesn't make sense to him selling the things that he doesn't believe, he wants to scream, protest, but he is born mute! Holding the silver scissor between his ten bony fingers like a bleeding soul, he throws the scissor in the lake and disappears from the city.

No one has ever seen him since. If you look into the lake closely, you could see a shadow reflecting back at you.