Spider dudette?

OK, I won’t do this ever ever again. (Hopefully not!) This is probably the stupidest thing I have ever done in Germany. 

I locked myself out in our winter garden.  This had never happened before, for no one would think that it could ever happen. We have a double-door between our living room and winter garden. One of them you can open it from both sides; the other one, you could open it from inside (the living room). There are about 10cm gap between two glass doors. (See visual aids below… alright, pictures)

As usual, I just wanted to water the plants and check on my birds in the winter garden; then since it is terribly windy today, both doors slammed SHUT and I was trapped completely in that 1 Square-meter: without telephone; there was no one to be seen in the court yard, even if there were, they could not help me because I put our keys INSIDE the keyhole in our front door; since there was only 10cm gap between them two, I couldn’t get my hand through the gap to break the glass of the second door. Then I tried to cut out pieces of plastic (from ice cream box, which I used to contain sand, and I found an old scissor in the garden) to poke the crack between the second door and the door frame, but I couldn’t get it through because there was practically no space in between: well, I could break the glass of both doors (not sure I could manage to break both layers and not being injured, it was 1M² tiny place).

OR, I could do it like a mad man -- without any security, just rip out the mosquito nets from a window in living room, which is 90° to a window in winter garden, and CLIMB. We live on the third floor.

The wind was strong and both window sills are made out of sheer metal. Luckily they weren’t wet. I could either wait 10 hours without food or bathroom, or I could take a leap (of faith). I looked out the window: 11 Meters to the ground, gray, concrete ground! And I don’t fucking like heights. (Maybe I should finally check out the film Vertigo tonight.) 

I reached out and tore away part of the mosquito nets in front of the window in the living room; took off my sweat pants (so I was on my under wear), emptied the jacket pocket (just in case anything in the pocket might surprise me, and I wouldn’t want surprises hanging at 11-Meter height), got on a chair; got my right foot on the window sill, then my left food; I reminded myself NOT to look down (but I did!) ; I told myself not to panic because I would soon have time for panicking, so don’t let any “premature” panic ruin the rest of your life…

I am in.  

Now, if you don’t mind, I am gonna get some food and freak out. 

Pic 1: The stupid iron bar that kept me because of the bitchy gravity.

Pic 2: The ripped mosquito net and the windows through which I re-entered.

Pic 3: This is what you see when you look down. 

Dog ate my homework

Almost got thrown out of a class for the first time in my life. It didn't come as a shock, I saw it coming all along but I couldn't help it. I knew how strict this professor was and she made an exception to let me sit in the class. Then in the past two weeks, I didn't show up; partially because I was sick, but mainly because I am a bit confused in general. I don't know exactly what is happening to me but I am constantly caught in the nets constructed from vicious circles. Maybe even premeditated mistakes.

"Why are you here?" the professor asked, "you can't just promised me to join the class and yet only showed up twice in the past month! It is difficult for other students and the whole seminar if you just show up from time to time. If you can't make a commitment, I will have to stop this."

"I totally see that and it has been very irresponsible of me to just skip classes without giving any explanations. This is the first time for me to be a non-student and I just got a job... I am aware of the fact that I only showed up twice so far. If it bothers you and other students, I will stop coming."

"You are not a student?" --- this is the first question they asked once they found out about my situation. It happened in another class I am "attending" (I guess I can't really say that I am "attending", but rather, I am just kind of ... "being there") Apparently it happens rarely that someone would just come to a class and do that extra work without taking credit or get a certificate. Maybe it is good to know that most of us after graduation got directly into "real" life, start a career and live a fulfilled life.

"No, not for the moment. I am not. But I arranged better work hours and our molding kitchen is getting repaired, it will all be done before the end of this week." I didn't tell her that I had been sick, or had been terribly confused about ... stuff and I had been spending way too much time staring in blank, chewing on my cuticles until it bleeds; neither have I promised her that I would be a model student from now on, nor asked her to accept me and my circumstance; for it would sound like:"Hey, my dog ate my homework." (Although it truly happened to me once, and my history teacher didn't buy it.) I just stood there in silence, knowing that from her point of view, it was not personal; and she was right.

"Why didn't you come and talk to me? So that I could have a better understanding of your situation."

"I am sorry. It was my fault that I hadn't explained myself." I would explain myself when I absolutely have to. I like to keep it low profile, keep it anonymous, especially for the ones who are officially registered the class (well, basically everyone else) because it might complicate things. If I ever say anything in the class, I want the others to think that I was one of them in a B.A. program, not someone who is done with M.A. already. I don't want to be exotic one in the group. I am not the desperate attention seeking breed.

"Fine. See you next week." The professor said.

"Thank you." I left the room quickly, looking for caffeine (I usually don't drink coffee after noon, especially after my 6-espresso in the morning. But today, I feel particularly stupid and I thought caffeine might help). I found a small coffee shop in a basement, self service. I put 50 cents in a can and poured myself a cup of coffee, sat down near the door and the only coffee table book was on aquarium. Oh great, it reminds me of all the fish, snails, shrimps, frogs and plants died in my aquarium. It wasn't that long ago when I considered dropping in a few piranhas to balance out the over numbered baby fish. Now I have only one fish left, black and old, circling around the only survived water plant in a fish bowl, all day long.

Math. Oh boy. Math. One of my classmates last year had stuck out her tongue in our class, expressing the disgust towards math. She was doing her thesis in surrealism; I guess there was nothing surreal about math.

No one says that you would have to finish one "-ism" before starting the next. A lot of courses in the humanity faculty seem to be theme oriented, even if you ever took, say, structuralism, there is no season for you not to understand naturalism; there is no colloquium at the end demands what you would have to know at the end of the senior year. However in Nature science, you couldn't sit in Calculus unless you passed college Algebra. Maybe that's why at times I feel to have accomplished nothing at all after a whole day's class in humanities; sometimes we just sat around and chatted. If you miss a day of school, it doesn't feel like you'd missed much (or at all); but I remember how lost I felt after missing a day of math. My grades are alright even though I missed at least a third of program. Funny isn't it. I have more questions now than when I just started.