Yes ultimate master, teach me!

Mom can’t tell the differences between a habit and a hobby.

“You can’t accept the things I want to do,” she said, with such disdain, “keep in mind that YOU are the one who’s changed. You are so westernized now. We don’t share the same values anymore.”

“Now? How’s now? If I had shared the same values as you more than a decade ago, maybe I wouldn’t have left. And washing part of your laundry by hand after a shower is a habit, not a hobby. Do you enjoy washing clothes by hand?”

“No...”

“It is a habit. I never against the sports you like doing or whatever other hobbies you have. But THIS, is a sheer habit; a habit from the past; a habit reminds me of days living with you and dad; it reminds me of him pointing and laughing at you; it reminds me of HIM, it reminds me of your senseless and constant fighting. And I don’t need it right now.”

“Let it go. Don’t be so stubborned and just forget about the past.”

“That’s right -- such words coming from someone who never throws away anything, even the broken plastic disposable bottles.”

“Your father’s things are not him. What was so terrible about our home? We were a family living together.”

“What was so terrible about EVERYTHING? Here is: YOU never had to live with(under) a mother like you or a father like mine. I think all three of us had wished for someone else to be family. If I had a choice, I would have never chosen to live with someone who hits woman, who exhibits shameless macho-ism and who smokes in children’ bedroom and yells at me for no good reason. I am a person, I am neither your toy nor your pension fund.”

The rest of the conversation was a blur to me. I remember hanging up the phone as I lost my second round of poker. The bloody river that had saved my last “all-in” has now turned its favor to kick me out and doubled the access of my opponent. This sucks.

I hardly ever get letters. The only two letters I got last week were the refusals of my job applications. I applied for three jobs at the Uni., to different departments although I was aiming at the similar position -- as a prof. Assistant for various projects. I got one interview out of my job hunting and Prof. M. had clearly promised the job to someone else, but compelled to put the job offer online because it is the law.

“Tell me why you want to work for this project.” Prof. M leaned back on his armchair, there were three women at the jury-table too.

I gave a relatively good answer. All three red-hair green-eyed women stared at me motionlessly. The interview lasted merely 5 minutes. The last question was: “Do you speak English? If so, can you prove it?”

I managed to control my rage, it wouldn’t have helped if I told them my honest opinion (then afterwards I thought it might have helped): You never read my cover letter or my CV! It says on the first paragraph that I graduated from an English speaking country. And you are surprised that I can speak French too? Wow. It takes courage to do what you do: you don’t even pretend that you gave a shit, you don’t even pretend that this job hadn’t been slipped into someone else’s hand by arrangements through your back door. YOU, Sir, are SUPPOSED to be an educator, you are not supposed to make other students get into habits of living in corruption and formality and wasting others’ time! Fuck you! Fuck you all!

Then I got two letters stating that my applications had not been granted -- but the things is: I never applied for these two jobs! I applied for a position as a Wissen.Mitarbeiter and they wrote me back saying that my application for a Student.Hilfk. had been denied!

So it is a hot thing to do now: the Prof. didn’t even have to pretend that they weren’t lying.

But this is all wrong. It is not your duty to mislead people on purpose. It is ironically the opposite of that! Aren’t you supposed to be on the other side? Aren’t you suppose to educate the next generation instead of turning them into bad politicians? Isn’t it against your moral to be so hypocritical whilst holding the role of being a role-model?

Maybe I will write them back: “sehr geerhte Damen und Herren, ich habe mich  um diese Position NIE beworben. MFG. (And I don’t need to sign my name because you wouldn’t give a rat’s ass.)”

Maybe I will check out the position first before applying the next time, by simply dropping a note to the Prof. : Is it a REAL job or you just put it out there because it’d be ILLEGAL not to do so? You know, the same principle almost applies to the fact that some people are alive right now simply because it is illegal to kill them. If I want my time to be wasted I’d do it downstairs in the court yard and not in your office.