April, the weather finally shows some signs of spring,
with constant reminders of the winter.
Linear Algebra is on hold; both theoretical and
experimental physics are on hold, the Lab participation is on hold; my freaking
(long overdue) thesis is on hold. Life seems to be on hold.
Chop it off, chop it off. I finally got a hair cut
after 4 months (although winter had lasted way longer than that); it cut away
all the little scorns, regrets and sadness. Chop it off, chop it off.
Supposedly I needed to trim the rough edges -- perked up like quartz and
crystal, used to slice open the skin, for I liked to watch it bleed.
Invitation for a literary lecture about time and space
– sorry, can’t make it: I have “real” calculation to do about real time and
real space, struggling on relativity’s theory and Kepler’s problems. Sure, if I
failed the class, I might go back to sitting a circle with them, talking about
fiction without having to know anything about how our universe works. The
literary aesthetics might not bring us to any practical developments (I don’t
know, building a space ship and explore other parts of the galaxy? Or improving
people’s lives by introducing new technology?), but it does give you a sense of
compliment, I am sure there are people who are grateful for these written
contribution to the mankind.
Maybe it is because I’ve got the impression of
returning to “career-teenager” days again: the world is disappointing and I am
resentful. I am having a hard time adjusting to turning in homework 4 times a
week, school 5 days a week; revise the lecture notes after dinner, confused to
the point where I cannot even formulate the questions. But isn’t this all I
wanted? Although I am not going to the first one to graduate from class this
time.
Flip a coin to check that box; if it lands on head I
might actually take the tail. What difference does it make? I’d rather bet on
the wrinkles on my knuckles. They say that we’d know the answer when the coin
is in half air, but it didn’t happen to me. Life is still on hold.
