"Do you want a cookie?"

"Do you want a cookie?"

I kid you not; THIS has become my most used sentence in our institute. The reason is simply because I constantly get caught in a situation (mostly because of other people’s fault) that I can no longer repair. Hard to imagine how often have I nothing better to offer than a cookie. Paradoxically the institutes which provide after-school tutoring are sometimes heartless places, it feels like it doesn’t matter how much love you pour into this place, nothing much would ever come out.

Scenario 1

One of the math teachers didn't show up for the second time within a week. An eleven-year old girl who has officially signed up for his class and her mom had been eager to meet her math teacher. Nope, he had not been there Tuesday, nor did he come last Friday.

"Why didn't Mr. G show up?" She looked at me with her confused blue eyes behind thick glasses.

"Well, maybe he is sick."

"He had been sick the week before! And I knew that he was here yesterday."

"I am sorry that he didn't show up, you can come to my class if you want."

"Sure, I like you anyway."

Then we started math class. I helped her with her homework and just 10 minutes after my class began, the secretary came and told me that the French teacher didn't show up either, and I were to take care of that class too.

HOW?! And honestly WTFF?! So I went to the other room, copied some exercises for the French class and told the pupils that if they had any questions, I'd be in another room, teaching math.

OK, now I am back to the math class and tried to explain to her the homework again, but she didn’t want to do math anymore and asked:" Mr. G never comes, is it because of me?"

"No, of course not. What are you talking about?"

"If I had known that he wouldn't show up today, I wouldn't have come. Today is my best friend's birthday and our last weekend before school starts again."

"I am sorry that you missed her birthday. You don't have to come to after-school tutoring during your summer vacation, but you know that right?"

"No, no one ever told me about this!"

I cannot count how many times I had to apologize for other people that afternoon:"I am sorry that no one told you about this, but yeah, the summer school is not mandatory..."

"And I am missing my best friend's birthday while my teacher just didn't feel like coming to work?!"

"...." I didn't know how to answer this... so I asked her when her birthday would be.

"In 3 weeks."

"Any plans to celebrate your birthday."

"Well, I had tickets for Selina Gomez's concert, and I was really happy and excited about this. Then a few days ago she announced that she would move the concert to Frankfurt, and it is on a school night, so I can't go. But that had been my birthday day present...."

Then she lost it.

For the first time I had a pupil broke into tears in my class, and I had no idea how to repair this anymore.

"Do you want a cookie? I am sorry that you missed the birthday party, but I can offer you a cookie."

She stopped crying and smiled:"Yes please!"

So I went into the kitchen and "stole" a few chocolate cookies for her. It is such a childish act, and yet, there was nothing better I could offer.

Scenario 2

I came to work early like a lot of pupils, who have school in the morning and tutoring in the afternoon, while in between we have nowhere to go, so we just mostly sit in the corridor in the institute, playing games in our cell phones.

I sat next to a 12-year girl who spends 4 days a week here.

"Hey, pretty hair cut." I said.

"Thank you." She replied politely, “can I switch to your class?"

She asks me almost every week, but I have to tell her the same thing every single time:"I am sorry, I don't have any influence over the organization, and I don't get to choose my own pupils."

"But I don't want to stay with that teacher!"

"Well... I don't know what to tell you.... I am here 4 times a week and I teach math more frequently than English and/or French. I do sub. for your teachers from time to time, but I really don't really get to choose when or whom I teach..."

Just at that moment, her English teacher went by and said:"Ha! Beautiful hair cut."

The girl replied, politely as usual: "thank you."

Then the teacher turned around, back to us, and said out LOUD:"But the girl is not."

I swear; I almost slapped his face, with a fucking chair!!!! You don't say this to a 12-year old; you don't say this to ANYONE!!!

The girl turned to me with sad eyes: "Do you think I am ugly?"

"No... that teacher wasn't serious, don't listen to him! I find you pretty."

"Do you think I am fat?"

"No, you are slim, and in NO way overweight."

"You are just saying that!"

"No, I can PROOVE it!" So I took out my laptop and opened a website for BMI:"now I want you to put in your height and weight here, then click 'calculate'."

She did, and it turned out that she was a bit underweight.

"See? Science doesn't lie. I want you to stop thinking that you were ugly or fat, you are pretty and scientifically proved slim."

"Thank you. Why can't I switch to your class?"

"Do you want a cookie?"

"Yes, please. Would you bring some for me?"

"Sure, next time when we bake cookies, I will put an extra bag for you."

"But just for me, not for other people."

"I also bring cookies for the entire institute, but I will make an extra bag just for you."

Scenario 3

When someone is psychologically blocked, it doesn't matter what you do, logic has no chance to settle in.

"Do you have any homework today?"

"Yes, we started linear equation today and I have no idea what the teacher was talking about in class."

I spent the following hour explaining only one principle: if you add 6 on both sides, you will need to literally plus 6 on both sides.

"But why do I need to plus 6 on the right side?"

"Because you already added 6 on the left side and in order to keep this as equation, hence the usage of the equal sign, you would need to add 6 on the right side too."

"But in the previous program, you wanted me to minus 11 on both sides."

"Yes, because we want to put the terms with variables on one side, and the rest on the other."

"I don't know what to do: sometimes you said that I would add, sometimes you said that I should subtract... when do I need to add again?"

"It depends on the individual problem..."

"I am not getting this. Sometimes I need to add, and sometimes I have to do the opposite."

"OK, do you want a cookie?"

Tortuga

Tomorrow I am off. For the first time in a while because of my erratic schedule. Summer break is almost coming to an end, and I haven't started to type that paper. I have decided to indulge myself a second chance for B.sc. and I will surely be less slacky this time. I can't afford it emotionally somehow, not worth it.

Work is fine. Did I mention that I am teaching again? And I will stop sending out my applications for a while (unless the job is math-related). Pupils are surprisingly cooperative where I work and the pay is good. I never thought that I would say this: but I sometimes take work home; although my career plan is the opposite of such nature.

Had a surreal experience with one of the job situations. I was asked to write a hypothetical letter and it turned out that they had wanted a research based letter. I am not sure how they interpret "hypothetical", but apparently I had been misunderstanding it for almost 30 years! Sure, these are elite-academic secret codes I was supposed to decipher, but really, don't they have a less condescending way to express it? They wrote back and said that I lacked the ability to identify them, but if they had said that their hypothetical situation were a real one, I would have done it differently.

It is like "Tortuga": either you already know it, or you will never know.

So I guess I will stick with after school coaching ... it is a rewarding job and the people I work with are really nice. Despite the teenager rebelling, I seem to get along with them just fine, although maybe a more authority figure was expected. I doubt that I will ever be able to pull it off, I weight as much as the pupils, if they are under 14.

Surprisingly enough that some of them spend 4 days a week in the after school coaching institute, and some of them stay until 8pm. We are talking about children cancelled their sport programs after school, and sit in a less crowded classroom to do math. We have children as young as 8, who just barely started elementary school and the parents wish for a perfect academic performance. I had children who got B's at school and the parents told me that the children should be getting A's. Besides math, which I teach 4 days a week, I do English, French and Physics as well. So we'd be speaking English/French or writing their English/French homework about their favorite sports (which they had to give up), or favorite food (which they seldom get to eat because they get home at 9pm) ... or what they would do when "it is all over" (after high school).

Oh yeah, high school time and the pressure of getting a better score at school. I can recall how terrible my school program was --> we had school from 6:40 am (I shit you not!) until like freaking 10pm; and our high school is still one of the worst in the province because you can't just send children to books 24/7 if their hearts are elsewhere. Half of my classmates slept during the day, who wouldn't?! You are compelled to focus on school 14 hours a day!

Well, the silly school program became one of the reasons I left. Now I ironically work in this very field. Children here probably don't have the same pressure as when I was growing up, but I still think it is difficult for them to be happy and enjoy the adultlescence.

Oddly enough, when the pupils asked me, what I had been doing during my high school and all; I had to admit that I also spent 90% of my time trying to get A's at school ... maybe at the beginning the pressure came from the family, but later on, I somehow developed my own academic ambition... but I would say that it came from within and not under the yelling of desperate parents.

Getting ready to go to work. Although we are in school break.

Oh, never mind, tomorrow I am not off anymore .... just got a call to sub for someone.