When the moment comes

When the moment comes,
everything is played in slow motion:
illuminating of the "walk" sign,
passengers lift their first foot to step out of the sidewalk.

As the moment continues,
blood flow takes a pause,
feeling the uneven surface of the armchair,
fuzzy texture of the blanket;
a plastic decoration in a Sushi place looks
like an African fish with eye infection.

Slightly passes the climax,
the red stain at the bottom of a glass triggers
my urge
to venerate
my urge
to sift open the gate and release my red army
the trace of them marching through is still visible,
but the gate has been sealed for a long time.

The dusk of the moment,
any given element has lost their charm,
the fish decoration in the restaurant
has only big lips and eyes.
I hit the "replay" on the video I was staring at,
still dwelling on my red army,
waiting for the next moment to begin.

Morning Babel

Morning, espresso, newspaper. I call it morning only because of the time of day, not because I woke up. It is hard to define "wake up" if you don't sleep. I am expected to give a rational reason every time I am sleepless. There is none. It is not unusual people behavior illogically, especially when logic becomes subjective. "Everything will be fine, it ought to be better." These are subjective adjectives I hear ( " I find no solace in your poor apology"). Grateful for the roof and the kindness, loving the one-hour long bus ride, sending out resumes like snowflakes. Communication means also convincing someone, one can be convincing, I can appear to be convinced. It is more the words and how you say them, more importantly, it is how you carry out your own words. ("you grow me like a evergreen, you've never seen the lonely me at all"). Unexpected is expected, once you've accustomed to what I have. Cellphones are invited so that people can talk themselves out of "situations" or rationalize whatever the irrational things they do more conveniently, so does alcohol. Some clichées are so true: silence is gold. Have you ever wondered why I try to sleep so early? We all judge people. We pay to be judged by judges. Pre-fer carries no negative connotation but pre-judge does. When someone with a mask rushing into a bank, are we supposed not to judge him/her by their appearance? It is a liquid line. When someone says others should not judge, is the speaker judging the "other"? It is repulsive the way you walk. I am not doing much better, it is not a good reason for doing the same thing. But it is legitimate. A demanding occupation is necessity, so that I can stop focusing on others' vice, so that others' scorn would abate. We are not at the same page, we fail to yield. Calumny might be white, but it is still a calumny. My absence is not on the list. My list is insertion of complete idleness.