Snooze

"Dr. Ferrin will see you now." The secretary said to me and I pushed the door open accompanied with the familiar buzzing sound. Dr. Ferrin turned around in his armchair as I entered, he offered me a seat and looked at me with his elbows on the desk.

"The ER called this morning."

"I know."

"Self-inflicted behavior is difficult to stop, but we are working towards a better tomorrow."

"Sure. Why not."

Why did you do it?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Did you take your medication?"

"Yes."

"It didn't work?"

"It did make me sleepy."

"Why didn't you sleep?"

"I was thinking about doing it."

"What triggered it?"

"Nothing particular."

"How does that make you feel?"

"Sleepy."

"I don't mean the medication."

"Then it made me want to go to sleep."

"How was your day?"

"Fine."

"How were your classes?"

"I didn't go."

I don't recall the rest of the conversation. I was counting the Jack in the Box Super sized cup stacked up on his window sill. All of them were super sized cup, how many gallons of coke can one drink? There were about 20 of them, how long did it take him to finish almost 10 gallons of soda? How on earth did he open the window? Maybe he never opens the window. Fast food bags filled up the trash can. I liked his black leather armchair, it was super sized too and looked extremely comfy.

My phone started vibrating 2 minutes after I finished my session.

"Hello?"

"It is me! I am at the airport!"

"What?"

"It is me! I am at the airport!"

"What?"

"Come and get me."

My palms started sweating, and I held my cell phone in my hand as I ran all the way to the airport.

Arrival terminal one. There: T was still wearing the red scarf.

I don't remember what we spoke of, but we never ran out of things to tell. I had the impression that we didn't take any public transportation and we walked all the way to my flat, where we could be alone. On the 7th floor balcony, we sat on the swing and watched the sunset. After a bottle of wine and a great dinner, we both felt asleep on the sofa with our glasses still on but we woke up felt refreshed. I can't tell you when was the last time I woke up without feeling dizzy. Rays of sunshine seeped through light green curtain and sat on the wooden floor, the sweet smell coffee saturated the apartment. I joined T for an espresso and decided to go swimming in such a lovely day.

There we were, in our swimming costume, saying: " One, two , three, jump!" Right before my feet hit the water....

My alarm clock went off...NO, PLEASE NO, NOT NOW, I don't want to wake up now. I was searching for the snooze bottom with my eyes closed. My roommates were speaking loudly in the hallway. As I stumbled to the bathroom, there was a post-it on the mirror:" Call Dr. Ferrin today. T's funeral at 2pm."