Berlin (s)

It has been a year, the same time last year I was in Ulm, choosing between going back to France or coming to Berlin; now, I find myself still between choices here and there, between Akkusativ or Dativ, Théralène or Custors, or to what degree can I put up with others' vice. I thought that at least I had 50% of a shot, more then often I am wrong: for many things are simply out of my reach (ex. the court was on strike, then my judge left for vacation the day when the strike ended), thus as usual, there is nothing else left besides waiting, which is a terrible process for Sagittarius like me. The weather is ridiculously cold, the thought of learning German grammar reinforces me to stay in bed. Last winter fucking sucked in all senses, I wonder how this winter will turn out.

Took another day and a half from school. There are only two reasons to miss school, often both of them hit me at the same time. I hate it when my irrationality takes over because I was triggered by other's repulsiveness -- not a wise way to blow off my steam. The good news it that my neighbor left his bet in our flat for three days (the same rat, I named him "Katz"). So basically we are living in the City Hall (Rathaus), where die Katz hat Rathaus kaputt gemacht. (The rat is hyper active). The happiest little vegetarian fears not the strong flash of a camera. I want to ask my neighbor if I can keep him for another day or two, once I clean the table, I would want him to be out and running about a bit. It is a 32M², he should not be hard to find.

I feel like living in two Berlin(s). In my German class, everyone is foreign (duh), they are here to spend the summer vacation or fall break, or they already have a project in head while needing a German language certificate for one thing or another. (And me, waiting for the judge to come back from his vacation and sign the domed verdict) For them, Berlin is a perfect alternative city where we dance, party all night, find cheap funky food and rent, it is where "artists" live, where people deal drugs in public or alcoholics spend the whole night on S-Bahn.

If you are here for touristic reasons or a short stay, the chances are you will fall in love with the city and decide to move here. Well, I did.

Then after almost one year living in one of the "quartier populaire", I realize that my bubble was poked, broken. I see the other side of the city which pushes me to scream at the top of my lung: the high percentage of poverty (and being a poor bohemian is not in fashion anymore), anti-immigration policies from politicians (I was at a Podiumsprech two days ago, it was amazingly awful. They openly said that foreigners were the causes for the poverty and that they were not integrated properly while me, who doesn't look anything German, sat at the front row right under their nose. They did not address how they would fix the issue but keep emphasizing the percentage of immigration, oh well, politicians), and there are so many people who are intoxicated all the time, don't believe in getting proper help, and don't think what they are doing is repulsive, they blame the government, blame the neighbors, blame whatever they can put their fingers on to excuse their behavior. I have heard it all, I have seen it all, I understand but I don't agree--when someone does you wrong, you fight back, with a fucking sober mind!

There are times I wish to pick up whatever I can find and hit them across the face. How can someone abuse their selves and their encourage like this?! Some people are alive right now is simply because it is against the law to kill them.

And yet, whenever I go to class, I feel like living in another city, where people are happy, foreigners are happy, we spoke of why we came, what we loved about Berlin, what we found interesting and special here. It is not to deny that this city has its particular charm, including the contemporary history and cultural-concentrated quarters; at the same time, once I left school and return to the flat, that thrill is gone, replaced by something grey and solid -- different quarters different crowds.